Yeah, using the projections to sort out what belongs to you and to her would help with that other confusion you pointed out, but may not be what is important right now.

You were honest with her about something that you don't like and still feel upset about the fallout, is the way that I'm hearing some of what is going on. And there is also fear understandably.

You advised me in a thread, where I was upset, to be honest, which at the time I couldn't bear the thought of. But I actually did take that advice the next day and was totally forthcoming about something that could have ruined many things. I was totally freaked and did not know what to expect, didn't even want to find out.

Turns out the person was very understanding and it didn't bother her, that if it came up in some sort official way we would work around it somehow. I still felt horrible because I was sure it would ruin things even though she was nice about it.

I was wrong. Nothing was made of it. It didn't have any effect. I ended up totally in the clear and got extra points for being upfront when I didn't have to, thanks to your advice.