I've come to realize that it's hopeless, I can't fight this illness any longer, no one can help me, because I'm the only one who can help myself. I don't want to live like this anymore. I need help right now, but no one will help me right now and these thoughts won't go away, I'll never win this fight, I want someone to tell me that it will be alright, but no, all they tell me is how difficult it will be, which makes me want to give up, I don't see the point in calling a hotline, they won't care or really listen. I give up. Depression wins.