Oh my, this sounds a LOT like my life. "I probably sound like a whining pathetic woman." - NOPE, not to me!!! You sound like exactly how I feel most days. I also have two special needs kids (3 kids total) and while my husband doesn't have problems with alcohol he is hypercritical and generally ticked with me for reasons that run the gamut, which makes me feel that much worse. I've discovered that as someone suffering from a long, severe depression, he is NOT able to support me emotionally and I've found other moms who are currently filling that role to a large degree. They've been life savers, quite literally. I hope you find a way to carve out some time to have lunch with a friend occasionally, or chat with friends while the kids are gone or asleep, or find a mom's group where the main objective is to blow off steam and laugh. That human connection - whether in person or online (here!) - is so vital. Sounds like you have so much weight on your shoulders and finding some way to get emotional relief might help. And I hope that soon you find that feeling of peace you need and are so deserving of. I'm really glad you posted here and if you ever want to talk to another mom who knows all about social stories and kids with special needs, feel free to message me.