I walked away from my family and didn't reconcile for many years. Dysfunctional to begin with, love came with conditions, and support always had strings attached. My mental issue were because I wasn't living up to my potential and all I needed was God and Jesus to make me whole. When I walked away, it felt like I had a rock in my heart and I can't think of any other emotion that feels like that, but I would do it again. Over the following 10 years, I found myself, stayed on my meds most of the time and I'm a better person for it. Time may heal wounds. Over the past year or so I've been hashing it out with my father, and he was the one who reached out. It isn't for everyone and I can't say any more, but I know the feeling you're talking about and it's one of the worst feelings I've ever know. And to be honest, it never completely went away.