So I've had some turbulence lately and both my T and doc are concerned about some manic behaviors. I think they are correct in their assessment, as I came clean with them so to speak. I couldn't bring myself to mention that despite bouncing off the walls, I've spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about suicide. I'm stressed out but not depressed, and I don't feel any inclination to do anything, but the thoughts and ideas are there nevertheless. I should have told either one of them, but people get antsy about that. I'm no threat to myself right now, but who knows how I'll be in a month? It almost seems contradictory to me, but i wonder if I should bring it up anyway. I'm avoiding him as it is because I'm not taking the lithium I agreed to take and he's wanting to know how I'm tolerating it. Tonights forums are pretty busy with people who are suffering, and I can relate. I also feel a little hypocritical for posting knowing what's going on in my head.