Oh goth

You are being very brave. This bit sounds so hard for you, but hopefully it is the start of a life lived without fear...

I think I understand that feeling, wanting to cut, scream etc. have you got headphones so you can have your music loud? Music can be great to express feelings too. I listened to torie amos 'silent all these years' on loop when I was having similar feelings (though I know she's not everyone cup of tea! ) cos I couldn't cut as my children were at home. It did help.
Will be thinking of you x