Went to my second session today. Doesn't feel like it helped at all, talking about it just makes me think of all my memories of her and I end up in a sobbing wreck, especially when I think of all the things we talked about doing together when we finally finished our degrees, all the things she put off and sacrificed investing in a future that she doesn't get to have because some ***** decided that getting back to his trailer park hovel was a higher priority than her safety. My counsellor seems like a good guy and all, but I'm finding it so hard to take his advice to heart, by his own admission he's never lost anyone under similar circumstances, he had nothing invested in her, how can he possibly know what its like?

Her family is Asian and I know that its culturally inappropriate to express emotion publically for them, according to what she told me anyway, but her family seem so calm. Of course they're sad, but they don't seem to be angry at all, I don't understand, ALL I feel is anger and contempt, what the hell is wrong with me? Am I just supposed to accept this and move on? Is this normal?

I feel like I'm going through this alone without my best friend when I need her the most and no one seems to be angry that she was basically murdered by this guy. She didn't die peacefully after a long life, or because she chose to do something reckless. She didn't even get to say goodbye to anyone and it wasn't even her fault. I'd give anything to have been able to at least tell her what she meant to me and that I loved her like the sister I never had, but he took that from me and I hate him. Why did this have to happen to her? I just keep trying to answer that inside my head over and over and its driving me insane. I just can't accept that a person as beautiful as her was just randomly chosen to be killed. I don't even know what anyone could say to me right now that would help, but I just want this to make sense and I just want this to end.