When I first started therapy, I didn't want to talk about the "relationship". It made me intensely uncomfortable and I didn't believe it was something I needed to discuss. I just wanted to come in and vent, and initially, that's what I did, and my therapist allowed me to dodge the questions related to her and my thoughts and feelings about her. I truly believed that I was fine in the relationship area--I was employed in a good job and well respected. I had a solid group of friends and had a relatively positive relationship with my family. But slowly, I began to recognize that I really did need to talk about the relationship and how I replayed similar themes over and over again both in therapy and out of therapy. Unfortunately, I had to move away from my initial therapist before I was really able to dip my toe solidly into the issues related to the therapeutic relationship.

I'm now with a new therapist (attachment focused psychoanalysis) and she stepped into that area right off the bat in the third session. I was ranting about something and she calmly and unintrusively calmly checked in with "how do you perceive me here in this room in that regard?" My heart gave a bit of a lurch but I answered her because I have promised myself that I was in a more stable place emotionally this time around and it's time to be more honest about how I see or view the other person in the relationship. I do believe for me, a person who has avoided talking about intimate and close relationships in any way shape or form, facing this stuff head on is critical.