Hi RadJ, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now, and I can understand what you're saying how you're feeling. But despite the way you're feeling you haven't lost you, this isn't a different/new you.........it is the very same former you, "just" with depression, you are still in there
I know depression can change so many things you can/want to do, and the way you see yourself and the world around you but it doesn't have to define you/to be you. It "just" sounds like you need a little help with it, right now??
So the mask........do you think you could drop that a bit with someone/anyone you could maybe trust?? It shouldn't be anything to be ashamed/guilty (??) about to say you're struggling. So if you could find the/a "right" person to speak to??? Someone who could give you or get you some support/help with what you're going through. It can be really hard to try to cope alone.
Although it is really good that you're sharing it with us too, and if you want to talk more.......
And you know something I should have asked sorry.......but has anything happened/is anything happening to be making you feel like this??? If not, there doesn't have to be, but if there has then maybe you'd like to talk about it, too???

Alison