First,
I'd like to say thanks for even reading this.... I'm new to this whole thing, so please forgive me if this isn't even where this thread belongs.

Also, the feelings I bring up are all my own, I don't expect that anyone else has or has had them, so please don't take my intereptation of my life as an insult to having the same disease as I do. I'm just trying to figure all this out.

I was diagnosed with bi-polar 6 months ago.
I'm engaged to the most amazing man I've ever met, getting married Dec 26, 2014.

Since being diagnosed, I stayed on the medication for maybe a month.
The stigma attached to having bi-polar is daunting, so I've carried a lot of shame. I literally felt overwhelming shame and embarrassment waiting in the doctor's office and picking up the medication. I wouldn't even answer the doctor's office when they called, I just felt so judged even when it's possible I wasn't being judged. I feel defective, confused, overwhelmed, judged, mocked and I need some clarity. Let alone the fact I can't remember ANYTHING anymore, I'm distracted at work, I get angry so easily, I cry in my car at lunch sometimes, I mean I'm just a mess.

My fiance is the single most understanding person I've ever encountered yet, I still feel so much shame for not being able to manage my life like a normal person. I am telling him about my disease now- before the wedding, in case he doesn't want to marry me anymore (can't say I'd blame him). Although I know him and he will love me through the pain and shame I feel.

How do I juggle this? How can I get back to being a functional person? I've read books, but it just seems like someone talking about bi-polar not someone who has BEEN through it. Someone who is surviving bi-polar and thriving.

Advice, would be most appreciated!
Thanks.