I want to though. I am so tired and really don't want this any more. I have worked hard and learn stuff (despite what people think) but it will make no difference no matter what I learnt or how I have changed. I annoy my family when I get ill, services aren't interested really, I get frustrated and unstable, sometimes out of control, sometimes angry... and mostly people want me to just get it over with.

I set a date but I can't because I have things to sort out first. I also feel guilty, like I should stay until my parent has gone but I really don't want to I am mostly just a dysfunctional burden anyway.

I never thought it would get to the point where I lost everything and I can't bear the thought of staying alive any more. I have not lived a good life but always thought it was part of a process & lesson and at the end I would be the person I was happy with and consequently be happy.

It was all just a waste of time.

Sorry, just feel a bit tearful and wanted to moan