This week has been a real struggle with my break down last weekend heading things off. I was able to get into see my t a day before my schedule appointment. She was so sweet and just listened as I cried and told her the whole story. We had our regular session the next day and now tomorrow is my last regular session for the week.

T asked me what I wanted to work on tomorrow (because I asked her if we could start planning things out in advance to curb some of my pre session anxiety). I told her that I wanted to finish taking through a traumatic repetitive dream I've been having. I could tell she was hesitant to agree to that because the last time we looked into the dream I had a really hard time: I dissociated into a flashback/body memory, and it took her awhile to get me back.

I know that tomorrow is going to be difficult, but the dream is really in large portion just a memory of the sexual abuse. It's the exact scene that I can see when I think about what happened, and I feel like I need to tell her. I don't want her to have to pull me back into reality if I dissociate, but I want to say this dream out loud.

Do you think it's okay to force the issue, even though I know my t didn't think I'm ready? I know this is my therapy to use in whatever way I want to, but I also need to think about her comfort and ability to do her work here. Should I wait until I'm "ready", or more able to handle it? Or do you think I can just insist we try and get as far as we can and pick up the pieces later if need be? Also do you think my t will be mad at me if I end up in a bad place?