Quote:
Originally Posted by silver tree
I want to though. I am so tired and really don't want this any more. I have worked hard and learn stuff (despite what people think) but it will make no difference no matter what I learnt or how I have changed. I annoy my family when I get ill, services aren't interested really, I get frustrated and unstable, sometimes out of control, sometimes angry... and mostly people want me to just get it over with.
I set a date but I can't because I have things to sort out first. I also feel guilty, like I should stay until my parent has gone but I really don't want to  I am mostly just a dysfunctional burden anyway.
I never thought it would get to the point where I lost everything and I can't bear the thought of staying alive any more. I have not lived a good life but always thought it was part of a process & lesson and at the end I would be the person I was happy with and consequently be happy.
It was all just a waste of time.
Sorry, just feel a bit tearful and wanted to moan |
Hello silver tree: I haven't seen your posts before so I don't know anything about your situation. Please excuse me. It seems to me what I'm reading in your post is depression writing. I also sense that some, if not most, of your unhappiness has to do with how you feel you are affecting your family... or at least how they're reacting you.
Do you see a therapist? It seems to me, just from what I've read here, there are some things you might benefit from talking with a therapist about. Or, if that isn't possible, might there be someone here on PC you could correspond with via Personal Messaging?
I understand you feel hopeless. But, with effort & support, this can be turned around. Please reach out for help & support in whatever way works for you.
