My husband has recently recalled some instances of inappropriate touching and sexual behavior from his mom when he was young. Victory for me that I have convinced him to go to counseling - yay! And major plus, he really likes the therapist so double bonus.

He has always hated his mother. She just repulses him. I played nice with her when we were first married and also when our children were born. She is blatantly obsessed with her oldest son, my husbands brother. Adores him in a very weird way. When his brother moved out at the age of 30 she cried uncontrollably and slept on his bed. He moved a mile away.

I remember one of my MIL & I's very first bonding times, a shopping trip, she had invariably moved the conversation to her oldest son. And she told me "You know, they say you're supposed to love your children the same, but there's just always been something about him." And I'm like, um, okay. No, that's not weird at all…

My husband had told me early on of an incident involving his mom while he was in the bathtub. He was around 12 years old. I didn't know what to make of it so I just said yeah that's not normal. Well, I really never put it together, and it honestly may not have anything to do with it, but my husband has no sex drive. You know how men complain about their wives not being sexually interested, well that's the story of my married life.

Recently, some stress at work caused him to have a bit of a breakdown. He started having panic attacks, showed some classic signs of depression, and it worried me enough to seek a T referral from a friend. He was open to it, which thrilled me. But the night before his first appt, we sat outside and had a few beers, and he started stressing about what kinds of things this T would ask him about. And then he had what I can only assume is a flashback, because he just looked me right in the eye and said "do you think he's going to ask me about all the times my mother made me wash her breasts over and over in the bathtub?" And then he was kind of stunned. He said he'd never remembered that before. That was a difficult night. I tried to help as best I could, but I am not a T. I felt horrible for him.

So anyhoo, he's been to 3 appts with his T. They're kind of dipping their toes in as far as his family goes, but most importantly, he's stopped with the panic attacks and I see much improvement on his depression.

I just have so many questions! I really feel a horrible sense of dread about what he will discover through therapy. I think his mind has blocked some things out, hopefully not, but I just don't see this ending well. However, I know that he will remember things as he needs to, and we'll deal with them as best we can. We don't see his mother at all. Since our children are teenagers, they contact her about once a month and she will come pick them up and take them for the day. She doesn't even get out of the car to come to the door, and I've heard gossip that she thinks I've poisoned him against her. Which I couldn't care less about, I just know he's happy he doesn't have to see her.

Another question I have is, does anyone feel he should ever let her know what he remembers? I'm sure they will discuss it in therapy, but I'm curious.

Also, is it weird for her to have inappropriate incidents with the non-preferred child? I used to hear her tell stories, with an almost disdain in her voice, about how my husband was so charming when he was a young boy. That he would smile & flirt with all of her lady friends when they came over. And meanwhile, her preferred son was socially awkward and wouldn't speak to anyone. So she had to hear others always comment about how my husband was so adorable and sweet and charming, which I think just burned her beyond belief. Does it seem rational that she would abuse the non-preferred son? I don't get it.

Well, that was fun (not). But really, helpful to type it all out. He's such a great guy, a really awesome dad and a good husband who tries his hardest. I just wish I could do more to help him. I constantly fight the urge to get into the car and drive over to his mothers house and give her a good come to Jesus talk, but I know that would definitely not help the situation. If you made it to the end, thank you! You deserve an award!