I feel for you and understand. I think about it a lot. I was better on Cymbalta the past few days, but today the family doc switched me to Welbutrin and the thoughts came back. Like almost all day, not constant, but frequent. When I get like this I wish I could go to the hospital and get more intensive treatment, but I can't right now. In my 30's and last semester of college. Seriously thinking if I'm not better by graduation in December, I might walk out of there and admit myself somewhere. It'd be over the holidays, but whatever.