spoke to that helpline counsellor yesterday and all it did was make everything a million times worse. she asked how I was, someone answered and then for the whole hour all she asked about was me and fostering cats. Was suicidal, was not feeling safe and she didn't give any of us a chance to stop her and say "really not coping right now and we need help!!!!!"

T is still away and Elisa was so desperate last night that we contacted another helpline (one I hate due to past bad experiences with them - but we were desperate so gave them a try) and we were left feeling even more helpless and like there was no hope for us at all even came out and told them we were suicidal and had plans and the means to do it!

It is Friday afternoon here and no idea how to cope and survive the weekend until see T on Tuesday at 11.30am.

No energy, motivation. All we can think about is ending things and sure T will be angry and disappointed at us but there seems to be no point to fighting anymore and we are so tired.

No idea what to do