Thanks to all who have responded. It is interesting and it helps me a lot to see all the different takes on this. I'm somewhat reassured by the fact that my pattern doesn't seem to be unusual - other people also talk about it a lot with their Ts from time to time, even if the modality of the therapy isn't relational.

And yes, my T is pretty much the definition of "unflappable". Yet I feel embarrassed when I tell him how important therapy is to me, I feel embarrassed when I try to point out things that he says or does that don't work so well for me, I feel embarrassed when I talk about what I imagine that he thinks of me, I feel mortally embarrassed when I say something about what I would like from him. I would probably choke to death on my own embarrassment if I tried to say that I would like a hug (and I know he would say no anyway.)

I can see how discussions about the therapeutic r/s could be a substitute for talking about other, more important relationships... but I don't think that's what I am doing, because I dread the discussions and try to avoid them, and yet they feel rather important.

Bah. Books are so much easier to relate to than people.