For me, being in a mixed episode means being very very uncomfortable and wanting to crawl of of my skin. I cant stay still, itchy, twitchy and tensed up. I desperately want to be alone and curl up and sleep because I am depressed and tired, but am having racing thoughts and keep getting up to do something, anything. It's miserable, but I have never wanted to kill anyone. For me, it's the opposite of a black out, I am way too aware of everything going on around me. No more paranoia than usual. I hope this helps ease your worry some.