G4rfield, unfortunately neither I am informed about what is available where you live, but I wanted to send you my support. I agree with pegasus, it would be better that you take meds. Did you ever tell to your doctor that you are uncomfortable with some effects of your meds? Maybe he could change them, or howeversuggest you something. And if you often feel nervous you could ask about relaxation techniques, or something similar. But I'd really suggest that you try not to take marijuana or other drugs.
About your abusive home, if you have a psychologist or psychiatrist you could talk him also about this, if you haven't already. Maybe he has information about which help you could receive.
Hope that you find the help that you need.
Big hugs