Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I've been coming to grips with the fact that I was sexually molested as a child on top of being severely physically and emotionally abused by my parents. I dissociate and get headaches when I even think about it but I want to post this to see if anyone else has felt this way.

Since dealing with the realization of CSA, I've not only felt horrible but also relieved. It's like I now have the answer to why I'm so messed up, why my life was one s--t storm after another, why I was the most screwed up in my family. The sense of relief comes in waves just like the dread and emotional flashbacks and headaches.

I haven't "remembered" anything yet but I get fuzzy images sometimes and dreams. My T has suggested I go to the sexual abuse counseling center for help because sex abuse is not his area of expertise. I think it's a good idea for down the road, but I'm so not ready for that now. I have to first learn how not to get badly triggered and dissociative when I talk about it. I also want to be assured that I can still see my current T if I go there.

Anyhow, in spite of basically being re-traumatized by all this, I have the feeling of relief, like a weight has been lifted.