Handling a child with ODD is not the same as handling a typical child who is strong willed or defiant - you need help. Is your husband willing or able to help at all? I know there are some issues there and I'm sorry if I'm forgetting details there. If he isn't (mine was zero help during this five year span), then you need someone, anyone else who can give you some help. When my daughter was at her worst. You are going to have blow ups because it's normal. You;re in a situation where you need much more than a book. I have "the Explosive Child" too and it's great, but alone it's not enough.

You may be able to get some help from your daughter's school system if she is in a public one, or in the form of a child therapist who specializes in children with ODD. I hope I'm not coming across as a know it all, and you may already have some help for her, but if not, I really urge you to get a child therapist for your daughter. Like mine your daughter may even refuse to see the T. If that's the case, you can use the T for yourself for advice- I did it all the time and at this age it's fine, no confidence is being broken. It comes down to behavioral/ parenting advice and just support from someone who has seen it (and much worse) before. It really could be of much more help to you than the therapy you receive right now. I know you are emotionally invested in your T, and I also am with my T and pdoc. But they both told me my parenting problems were beyond their scope of expertise- they could both sympathize but acknowledged the couldn't really help as much as they wanted to - it is a child therapy and parenting issue, not an adult mental health issue (other than the effect the stress was having on it). I know you're emotionally invested in your T, but if you can take 1/2 of what you pay her and put it toward a T who specializes in your daughter's specific issues, I think you may get a much better return on your investment. And your own T should be fully supportive of this if she hasn't already suggested it by now.