Of course it's uncomfortable, it's going through stages of development that you missed out on first time round, now as an adult. So it feels incongrous in a way, and in my case I get embarrassed about it - like I should be above those kinds of reactions. I get it, I really do

I think it is a long, sloooooow process to actually start knowing how to process the feelings. For me at first, even saying I had needs - woah, that made me feel so nauseated and panicky and humilated. It has taken a year for me to accept that I do, in fact, have needs. Still not happy a lot of the time about having needs, but at least I don't feel like I want to disappear into a pit of shame when I acknowledge it. These things take time.

What's that thing about needing to do 10,000 hours of something to become an expert at something?? So over your lifetime you have quite literally become an expert at denying and repressing your own needs for a secure relationship, in order for you to survive, because it wasn't on offer when you were growing up. Now these needs are being invited into consciousness, and they're going to be scary and uncomfortable and reluctant at times.