It's so funny to me now how my brain was able to create all these stories and connections that even sometimes when I explained them to other people, they seemed somewhat plausible. The last time I got paranoid when I went off my meds though it really snuck up on me. I thought I'd be able to see it coming but I didn't and it got out of control fast. I knew I had thought I heard people talking about me through the walls before, but THIS time, it was actually happening. The internet can be a bad place for people with paranoia. I thought my apartment was being bugged and researched what kind of bugging equipment was out there. I was convinced there were pinhole cameras and microphones in my walls. I took putty and covered up all the little holes I could find in my walls. I used to think that someone had hacked in to my cellphone and could listen to my conversations through it anywhere I was, even when I wasn't using it. I used to leave my phone in my glove box when I would go to therapy. I didn't want him to hear what I was saying. I got a new cellphone, SIM card and phone number because of it.

Now I look back on it all and I'm kind of amused, especially because I'm so stable now. It's hard to talk about it with other people, though...they don't really know what to say. Sometimes I feel like such a weirdo...I don't tell too many people that I have bipolar disorder. I think though that moods swings are still easier for other people to understand than paranoia. I don't tell hardly anyone about the paranoia.