Hi there,
I don't really have a question...I just wanted to write and let things out..my depression really started to lift in April of this year. I felt really good. I had lost weight and was working out regularly and was putting a lot of energy into my yard and house and making it feel as homey as possible. In May I met someone through a mutual friend while throwing a small get together at my house. We instantly hit it off. Chemistry was amazing and we both felt like we had found our soul mates. After a couple months of dating, he started becoming verbally abusive towards me and whenever I showed any emotion, he accused me of being weak and any argument/disagreement we had, he would pin it all on me. I tried breaking up with him but he would dodge the question. I get the feeling that this is how his past long term relationship was like and for some reason felt this behavior was appropriate. It was really starting to take a toll on my mental well being so I broke it off. Anytime you break up with someone, you get bummed out. I felt pretty ****** all of August and then earlier this month, another ex of mine passed away. He was my first real love and we had lived with each other (the only bf I have ever lived with). I hadn't talked to him or seen him in about 2 years (we broke up 2 and a half years ago). He basically drank himself to death over the past couple years due to depression/PTSD. I guess it's good that I didn't see him or know that he was going downhill so quickly. Our mutual friends kept it from me. I know a death is tough on anyone - bipolar or not - but I think this is pushed me into depression again
I'm starting to cry randomly, my house and yard is a disaster, and I'm having a hard time getting out of bed in the mornings even though I slept 8-9 hrs. I've been getting out of the house as much as possible - trying not to isolate and trying not to feel pressured to keep to a tight, rigid schedule as it might stress me out if I go off track. My brother passed away a couple years ago from suicide (depression/bipolar?) so I guess lately I felt like I keep getting **** on. I know this depression will lift again and I will meet someone better (hopefully) and I'm trying to be proactive about it before it worsens...I just wanted to 'talk'...a lot of my new friends do not know i have bipolar so i just been bottling in and trying to hide my depression as much as possible.