I feel in a difficult place too. I personally can't trust or rely on professionals for help and support, so I've got to be the one to help keep me going. No one else knows what I've been experiencing. Its difficult to talk to people about how I feel too. I have had a lot of negative responses from others. I'm planning to go somewhere different in the short term to make a change hoping that will help me. That's what I'm really wanting freedom, and positive change.