I got a call from the childrens dad. (in between all of this). he he.
The first call was not that good. We did not do so well; I disconnected. I do hang up on him when he is being rude. About 5mins after, he phoned back. I answered. He asked to talk to the kids. My daughter (jess) came on. The poor thing totally fell apart. I heard her say, "dad, I want to be with mom, sorry." She did not say much more than that, she was crying so hard. I sat beside her and held her hand, as much as I wanted to run and cry. Then my son went on. He was happy at first. Then the tears came. My son said, "but dad will you be mad if I tell you? I dont want to hurt your feelings. I want to live with mom." They talked for a minute then my son handed the phone to me. My ex said to me, "I have one question; are you willing and able to take the kids on a full time basis?"
I think my mouth dropped through the floor into the basement. I said, "of course, what do you think I have been fighting for?"
He said, "things are going to change, I have been thinking a lot. As for the examinations on Tuesday and Wednesday, I realize that we cant go ahead at this time....... but I need to know whats wrong right now, you are having problems arent you?" I said "yes, but I just need some time to re-group. My doctor wants me to rest and sort through this stuff. I need to deal with some of this grief, its been hard."
He said, "okay, I will arrange the kids to come home early." "But I need to know if you are going to be okay or if your illness is going to prevent the kids from stability when they are with you."
I said, "no, because I am dealing with it, will take some time but it will be okay."
SSOOO; this is what he left me with. SOME HOPE; IS IT POSSIBLE??? Oh God; please let this be true. If he gives me full time care; maybe then I can relax; this battle will finally settle some. Maybe it wont be so hard to see the light at the end; maybe I can deal with the rest of my issues. Get on some meds; control the paranoid things that I am dealing with. IS THIS POSSIBLE??? IS THIS HAPPENING? WHAT MADE HIM CHANGE HIS MIND. WAS IT THE HONESTY THAT MY KIDS SHOWED HIM???
So, my boyfriend arranged something else for this afternoon. I will be going to my appointment at 1. So I better get my butt in gear. I am going to agree to h; for tomorrow. I will let you all know.
My thoughts will be with all of you. Your strength will be with me.
Your support and encouragment will be in my heart.
justy