So I've mentioned this before in past posts. I have both anxiety and depression and I coped with it for the past decade by suppressing my emotions. Does anyone here do this too?

I have started to wonder whether I am actually suppressing. I have always thought of it like acting. I smile and think like who I'm "supposed" to be until I become this character. Is this suppressing? I've often heard how suppression doesn't work, but it did work for me for the past decade until I decided this year not to act anymore. I still have a mask on though because I don't want people to see me and ask "what's wrong with you?". Apparently I still have a terrible aura, so this mask doesn't work that well.

If acting in this sense is counted as suppression, then is it bad if I keep on doing it? I'm still half suppressing so that I'm not bursting into tears at random or shaking as I walk down the hallways. I've only taken on as much emotion as I can handle without showing it visibly. However, I need to find a way to concentrate otherwise I can't keep up with my schoolwork and part time job. I already feel like everything is coming apart at the seams. I waste far too much time just feeling like s*** and "recharging" if you know what I mean.

If suppressing is bad, how do I completely unsuppress? I have unsuppressed to this point already, but I'm unsure how to continue. I'm also afraid of completely letting loose because then I will have close to no control and as a result, everyone will find out (only one person knows, and he doesn't know all the details either).

Thank you very much for reading up till this point. Any advice or comment is greatly appreciated.