and I feel very sad. My mom didn't make her usual morning phone call to me. Nothing really planned for the day. I feel very teary eyed and down. I turned 55 years old today, and I am so very tired of being ill with this illness. Of being up down and more down. I don't like being this way. Other people are happy on their birthdays. I ruin my own day with my messed up moods. I hate myself. That is all. I just feel very sad. Thanks for listening to my pitty party.