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Old Apr 30, 2007, 01:27 AM
Samanthaq Samanthaq is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2005
Location: Cincinnati, OH, USA
Posts: 81
Regrettably I have both, and for different, but some similar reasons. I'm highly dissociative, and actually used to be worse. Right now my dissociative tendencies are limited to colocation, and vanishing into my head. Sometimes at the same time, of late at exactly the same time.

When I was younger, because I was NEVER, EVER, EVER good enough, smart enough, fast enough, or anything I created this person. HE was the boy I thought my father wanted. HE was an officer and a gentleman, highly logical, emotionless, brilliant, fast, basically a super hero that was indestructible I hid behind.

Wow, that was a while ago and to be honest I kinda miss him.

Me, I have flashbacks, nightmares and the whole nine yards. I regrettably have multiple primary PTSD causes, or traumas as well as years of abuse when I was a child, and as an adult. Because I didn't learn anything as a child about love, relationships, domestic violence and so forth, I had to learn as an adult. I married someone exactly like my father. Attitudes, behavior, mindset, everything.

Wow, what a mistake that was.

Now, I'm burned out. Pressure just turns me into a sobbing wretch. In fact pretty much anything does, I have triggers for days, and without meds, nightmares so bad that I've had some in the past that had me wake up wanting to end my life so that I'd never have to have another nightmare like that again.

While they can be coupled, can be 'co morbid' conditions, they are regrettably, quite different in so many ways.

One of the "sub classes" for PTSD, one I'm terribly familiar with, is "Prison Camp Survivor." I kid you not. It is typically a "diffuse" event that happens over a period of time, like many years of abuse. There is also traumatic event PTSD, like the first time my husband raped me. Yes, it does happen. Somewhere around here a couple years back I put a piece I wrote about it up. Even something as strange as coming as close to taking your own life as I did can leave you haunted for many years to come and is a form of PTSD. You don't want it, I know I don't! Can I give it back?

Anyway, it is a mess, and I'm not even sure I know where I was going with this other than to say, yeah, two different things.
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I am a spiritual woman living a human life . . . Damn, no wonder it's messed up, I picked second class citizen status for this trip . . . I wouldn't trade it for all the testosterone or money in the universe. I love being a girl!