Hi spondiferous, I'm really sorry for your loss
And it's completely understandable that your feelings must be all over the place right now, a week and a half is such a short time after having lost your sister.
And despite the fact that you might have saw it coming, thinking it and actually experiencing it can be two totally different things, and that wasn't to say that you were ready to let her go regardless, right?
So you have a right to be feeling the way you're feeling, I'm sure you'd rather not but.........So now maybe try not to put too many expectations on yourself, give yourself time to grieve, give yourself time to get support for yourself. I know there are no "easy answers" but sometimes just talking, expressing the way you're feeling and having someone there for you can be a start/something you may need before anything else.
And give it time, and you will probably be sad and cry (right now, you're probably still in shock.....disbelief at times......numb at times.......not knowing or being able to control how you feel at times??) but in time you'll also gradually be able to smile about the memories you had of your sister/of having your sister in your life. In time you'll be able to feel a warm feeling at times when you think about her, instead of the pain you're feeling now.
I know it really isn't easy and you will probably have a way to go yet, but you're not on your own in this, OK?
You have us, you have your wife.........so please don't feel isolated in this.
And one day at a time..............



Alison