Quote:
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I drink to make the memories go away or more accurately, to make myself not upset by the memories. I'm kinda okay with them when I'm drunk.
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This passage shows the critical importance of starting to work with a TT. I know that you are working on it. If you can't find someone very soon, please consider seeing a regular, but quite experienced, therapist. As others have suggested, the use of alcohol as a coping mechanism is very dangerous.