I'm so sorry for what you are going through. This isn't something anyone should ever have to endure. People who do this feel like this is the only way to free themselves from the endless pain, loneliness, and emptiness that they feel inside. Although, they don't realize that it can get better, and if they do this, the pain that they leave behind for their loved ones, is an endless pain that never ends, that they now have to endure. All they've done is passed on their pain and agony to many others, to suffer for them, now that they're gone. It's not your fault, you couldn't have prevented this. Get to a therapist, and a survivors of suicide group. Something like that. Talk to others that are in the same situation as you. That can help you to get through this very difficult time in your life. You'll never forget, but eventually you'll learn to live with it, and it won't hurt as badly as it does now. But you do need to get some help to learn how to better deal and understand what you're feeling, and what you're going to be feeling. There is no normal, or abnormal behavior, so don't let people tell you there is. There isn't a time limit on grieving. But, without therapy, you may not be able to move forward. Good luck sweetie. I'm here if you need me.