I had a chance at the man I still wonder about, my "what might have been". I had a connection with him that was very spiritual, insightful.. both deeply cerebral and full of heart, and having met in college was a connection well beyond our years.

He was having a genuine moment of weakness about a person he was dating at the time, and I can't quite explain my knowledge of how this was but he truly turned towards me in that moment, and not in a trivial way. It was primal; one of a dozen or so true moments of clarity for me, when I knew instinctually I was at a grand crossroads that would define my life. It wasn't even my moral compass that kicked in, when instead of honoring my own desire I instead encouraged him to have faith in her; it was my true love for him, in not wanting him to lose what I sensed could be the best thing that ever happened for him.

And now a couple of decades or so later they are a long-married, devoted old couple. They're still freaking adorable together.

I have to believe that my response was just as it should have been, and that my helping him to support his commitment even in the face of what for me represented my deepest personal desire, is a testament to my true love for humanity, as was manifested so spiritually for me through his presence.

My own life has not been without its blessings. My late husband, whom I met many years later, was a truly genuine and kind-hearted soul, whom I deeply loved and was wholly lucky to have ever had in my life. I don't regret; but I do wonder, can't help but wonder, what alternate reality was located down the way from that old crossroads. I suppose some things are meant to remain a mystery.