I don't care if you give him 50 chances and 100 ultimatums. What you see is what you got. He is already doing the best he knows how. He will always be a dependent on you.

That doesn't mean you have to dump him. He has the ability to be soothing to you emotionally. You would not be the first strong woman to have a lapdog type guy in your life and find that kind of works for you. Just be clear about the trade off you're making. He will take care of you and the house. Someday, he might even be good with the kids. As long as you bring home the bacon. He is offering you his caretaking abilities. Let him take care of the home, and stop giving him much money. (You could give him a little pocket change, but no serious money that he will tell you is an investment in his career.)

Think of him as your wife. It may not be a bad arrangement. Supporting a man who warms your bed can be better than coming home to an empty apartment. You already know that. I think you've already decided you are okay with the exchange.

Just make up your mind that it is what it is and stop hoping he'll turn into somebody he hasn't the capacity to be. Then you can stop fighting.