I started on 1 or 2 glasses of wine a night.......tolerance goes up .....I needed more to get the same effects. At the same time my coping reduced, my depression deepened and my PTSD went over the edge.

I finished drinking 2+ bottles a night, or a litre of spirits. Not because I wanted to......I had to...to manage emotions. Unfortunately, as you expressed when intoxicated I lost impulse control and attempted taking my life a number of times.

Please growli.....this is important, and it is a problem. I know it is hard to hear. But you will only make changes when you are ready. At least get some more focused support for this in the meantime.