I existed like this, hopeless, no purpose for over thirty years. then I found meds. found the right antidepressant, I had toyed with some meds here and there, but I knew I would be dead if I didn't do something at this point. so I got serious about meds and therapy. and it was like that magic wand I had been wanting all my life suddenly appeared and I finally found a way out of that bottomless pit I had been living in all my life. it totally turned my life around. and I wonder how different my life would have been if I had found meds at your age..........