it seems that it is not only okay but good if anybody else expresses their feelings but if I do that it seems unacceptable to everyone around. so I basically am not allowed to do it if I don't want people shouting and pointing fingers at me and accusing me of evil intentions. I can't deal with this kind of excitement. so I need to be quiet and pretend everything is fine. but it is not enough if I only don't say what I feel or want, I even have to pretend perfectly that everything is just fine because if not they will accuse me anyway because my face looks unsupportive of whatever is going on. not sure if this is suppressing.