So I have these unfulfilled emotional needs. Acceptance, kindness, love. And I saw and kinda still see the label of mentally ill as a major impediment at the least to attaining any of those. Actually because of the extreme catastrophising I feared/fear that even my immediate family, who I am not sure truly loves me, will reject me entirely, and I won't even have those relationships -even if they suck, a bad relationship is better than being completely alone in the world, friendless, abandoned, unloved. In my really dark moments when I just "knew" I was gonna end up homeless, unless of course they locked me away in a psych ward or prison first, I would think that maybe if I could just find a stray dog or cat to love me in my final days when I came to my bad end I would have some other living entity with me so I would not die as I had lived my last days, abjectly alone. Even Tom Hanks had Wilson, after all, and look how crushed he was when Wilson floated away bad Hanks' character was totally alone at sea on that raft. Everyone needs love, and I think very few people are so bad they are undeserving - murderers perhaps. Many people deserve more and better than they give or get for various reasons relating to dysfunction. Everyone who ever lived, save for perhaps the very worst of the worst like the Nazi SS high commanders, or other despots like Stalin or Pol Pot or the Kims (of North Korea - the jury is still out IMHO on the Kardashian-West one), deserves to be treated with respect, with kindness, allowed their dignity. That was denied me by my father. Then it was brutally denied me by the quack, and I felt completely dehumanized, and of course internalized it as prima facie evidence of my valuelessness as a human being.