Mowtown, it is very common with "complex PTSD" for the person to long for that fatherly/motherly genuine caring hug. That was expressed in "Good Will Hunting".

Just want to let you know though, a person is not truly considered "incompetent" if they have bipolar. So many people have it that are extremely functional and responsible. But I understand how at the time you had these feelings, that is more typical however with PTSD.

I think it is good that you are just letting these feelings out too. I am sorry you struggled so much emotionally and didn't have the right help at the time with it. I think that you need to mourn all these emotional challenges. It is important though Mowtown that you use your "wise mind" to keep yourself grounded and not continue to entertain and feed into these feelings.

How I can relate is that I was always so protective of my family and my horses and ponies, I watched over everyone like a hawk because I did love them. I always had this fear of invasion (because I had experienced it before) and when I did experience such an invasion where so much of what I had was so badly damaged, I just could not process it.

I can't blame you for being triggered by your family because they are still intrusive and disrespectful and judgemental like your father imprinted them to be, even your mother believed his garbage.

You really need to engage that wise mind though Mowtown, and continue to learn how what your father sent you as messages was wrong because you "are" a nice guy still even with PTSD. It takes time for form healthier subconscious messages.

You need to use your wise mind to "self love" too.

((Hugs))
OE