Hi, i feel the same way you do apart that i already did hurt myself but that was years ago now i just endure it like i can, i hang up with some friends often but to be honest many of the times i go meet with them i don't want to i just go so that i won't lose the people i have left and yes anyone we can talk to won't know how we feel i even said to a friend once that only someone like me would be able to understand what i feel.

I also understand why you want to do this on your own and you can do it, go find help, what i did to get help was going to see my doctor i spoke with him about what happaned to me i didn't gave him too much details about it just enough for him too see that i needed help, he set everything up for me and i started to get treatment and yes it was that easy, i also didn't need to pay for anything only paid the appointment with the doctor to arrange things and the medication, in terms of service its not much good i have to wait long periods of time between appointments but its not that bad either, i kinda liked my psychologist's work and i feel very confortable speaking with her.

Good luck in finding help and thanks for what you wrote, its nice knowing that there is someone else like me in this world.