I don't understand the frequent controversy with Growli's threads. Expecting someone who has such deeply rooted issues to implement advice and change is way out there, imo. Clearly, the internal motivation for self-destructive behaviour outweighs the motivation to not engage in it. You can't just 'decide' to change those motivations no matter how much you think you want to change. A person's sense of self and internalized object relations have to be completely transformed when issues are this deeply rooted.

The only thing I know that can change this is intensive psychoanalytic therapy. This stuff is so internally driven, that no external mechanisms will change anything except for brief actions. Even when that happens, the conflict is so powerful that unfortunately, the default will trump every time. The motivation to change has to precede the behaviors, not the other way around. You can't advise, coerce, or influence someone to change those powerful motivations.

I know everyone means well; I just don't get the nearly constant arguing. It seems pointless. These issues are extremely complex and cannot be changed in the manner in which people suggest.

Anyway, Growli, i hope you find a therapist who will believe in you. I do think you have a lot of potential to create a good life for yourself someday. Its not going to be easy, but you seem to be headed in the right direction.