I went to a party last night. It was horrible. I felt so out of place, alone and different. My H stormed out and accused me of ignoring him. I was left in a rural place with no transport. It was horrible. Guess who I text! Why I don't know. I wasn't asking for a lift or anything - I just wanted a connection,to reach out. Was it wrong to text T? I had a reply this morning. "See you next week' unbelievable. It's as if nothing happened. Maybe she thinks I made it all up? I wasn't asking for anything. Just told her I was struggling and the night had been a disaster.

I am so hurt. I just can't see the point of continuing with her. I am a nuisance, a pain, a waste of her time. She doesn't want me outside of the T hour.

I want to curl up and sleep and never wake up.