Lately I've been having some days where I go from happy to ballistic in about five seconds, and think about killing myself. (It's been okay the last two...)...

I told my friend about it and he told me to go to mental health and then that I needed to tell myself to be happy--that's what they told him and he says it works.

The thing is... I'm not exactly sure what happy is. Like, I know I've been happy before and I know a lot of my being upset lately is dreading work and also being paranoid that people are trying to make me look bad. He told me that it was my choice to feel this way, and to remember that it's just a job.

I tell myself that it doesn't make sense for them to try to make me look bad--I do a pretty good job by myself,but the feeling creeps back sometimes...and I have to tell myself the same thing again and sometimes it doesn't work.

I know I have issues that need to be discussed...I just don't want to be written off as there is nothing wrong with me and just to make myself be happy. I need some actual guidance.