I do not have this problem, but I want to comment on your general expectation of getting one-to-one friendships out of meetups.
There is a certain enclosed space created within a meetup. I enjoy conversing with women during the meetup and enjoy seeing them again next month (I go to a monthly meetup). In fact, I very much look forward to my next meetup and seeing the women there will sure brighten up my day (evening, to be exact). But I would not want to have a separate relationship with any of those women outside of the meetup.
It is possible that you are dealing with women who have the same expectations that I have - i.e. that a meetup is a meetup and it is great, but there is a boundary around it and I would not want Meetup bleeding into the rest of my life.
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