((((pinksoil)))) I'm sorry now is such a hard time. Is your providing therapy or something else? I'm sorry it is such a negative right now. If your job doesn't require much thought, maybe you can make it more pleasant by doing some pleasant daydreaming while there. Think about stuff you like. Like your T.
I hate to think of you burning yourself. ((((hugs)))) Can you substitute another activity that releases endorphins? How about going for a nice long run and getting really exhausted?
I'm glad you and your T are grappling with this issue.
I think having been through SI will make you an understanding and effective therapist on this issue when it comes up with your future clients. I know sometimes it helps me to know my therapist has himself been through a divorce--I know he knows how painful it is and can just break your heart. It makes me feel like he really understands. Your
past SI will help you with your own empathy for clients. Now, if you can just make progress on putting it in the past. Hang in there. Keep talking to T about it.