So I just came out of yet another bad mania. I ended up in the hospital.

I was in a depression so I started messing with my meds. I went into a fabulous, wonderful hypo. Got so much done. Didn't do anything too risky. Well it turned on me like it always does and at first I was fine not sleeping. But then the anger, hostility, remorse, despair crying spells, suicidal thoughts came in along with the not sleeping. So I frantically increased some meds. Ended up going through 2 wks of he'll. Only sleeping 2 hrs a night. Was taking massive amounts of doxepin and visteral to sleep. Saw my psych nurse, she was shaken up and very upset. She said she was amazed I was still alive. I almost od'ed. Got out of the hospital 5 days ago.

AND I'M ALREADY MISSING HYPOS!!! Do I just have a really high tolerance for pain? Do I need to go through a grieving process? How do I learn to just be happy being stable?