I guess may have been dealing with it since about 1986 or may have been dealing with it since 1997, but I thought that I was just different from "normal" people. That i was incapable of "happy" feelings. This was reinforced by one therapist who told me I have a limited range of emotions, that I wasn't "normal." (only met with him once, accepted what he said because it made sense and vindicated how I felt, never went back)

So basically I was in denial until a few weeks ago when suddenly I knew I had to be on meds.

Short answer, the weekend I decided for myself I was depressed and needed meds, I felt like complete garbage. Very much in pain.