I agree but also think the OP, or anyone with such a problem, has to be ready to stop. And It seems clear to me, Growlie, that you are just not ready. All of us at PC can encourage you till we're blue in the face (or get writer's cramp ), but you know exactly what you have to do. That's not the issue here, the issue is when are you going to do what you need to do. You've made great changes, but you have many more to make. And I get it that sometimes you need to go over and over the same thing, asking advice and getting upset until something clicks and
you just do it (I hope that's what happens for you). But a crucial part to this happening is having the right treatment providers in your life, and you don't have at right now. With three jobs and school I dont know how you'll fit a therapist in, but if means full recovery you may have to sacrifice something. What that something could be I don't know, but one thing is for sure about the state we live in- there are great resources for health care and especially mental health care. Even the state coverage for mental healh can be quite good. So it's available for
you, but you have to make that final choice to take that step and do it.