The conversation that you provided just sounded like a person who has set his boundaries & needs some time to himself, knows his needs & isn't willing to be PUSHED into doing something that goes against his needs.

Intersting....I had a similar conversation with my stbxh back when we had first gotten married back in 1975. I had midterms & I knew that I needed to study long & hard for my tests because I wasn't willing to just get by with my grades the way my H had.....I didn't respect his attitude toward his college work so I wasn't about to lower my standards to go along with whatever he wanted......& he wanted to go to a Disneyland night. Think it was from a company that his brother was working at & had invited friends & family to come along.....I had my midterms & going to Disneyland wasn't something that was a novelty since I had been going there most of my life at least once a year.

I was looking out for MY NEEDS & I had set my boundaries...nothing was going to get in the way of my getting good grades at the university.

Well......fast forward to about 8 years (2006) ago in therapy with H & T.....30 years later to be exact......H brings up that I was such a controlling wife because I had refused to go with him to the Disney night & putting my grades & my midterms above the fun of going to Disneyland night with H was controlling.

Obviously each person has a different way of perceiving their behavior.

Trying to figure out the why's as to what it was about his behavior that caused me so much difficulty in the marriage & why by the end I was seeing red & had so much anger toward him, I was destroying myself.....I looked back......abusive marriage.....yes & no.....passive aggressive....yes & no.......his dx'ed adult ADD.....yes & no.....I even looked at NPD because of his arrogance that irritated the hell out of me......yes & no......there has actually only been one thing that I have come across that has explained it all.....something that I would have never guessed & something that wasn't even something that was Dx'ed back in the days we were growing up.....

But like I said before.....it really doesn't matter what the Dx is.....it's how much their behavior annoys you & bothers you & makes your own life miserable that should determine whether you go or stay.......& trying to make him into the person that you want him to be.....ISN"T reason to stay.

I agree with NormaD........being single & learning who you are without someone else in your life is the best thing that we can do for ourselves......only when we know who & what we are can we accept others for who & what they are & know the who & what's that are COMPATIBLE with outselves....& don't waste your time on those who don't fit that compatibility because people don't change no matter how much you wish or push....it only grows into anger on both parts.