Quote:
Originally Posted by lilodian4ever
You're very welcome  I understand your situation. I guess you gotta take it just one step at a time, whatever you can manage today is what you worry about.
What is it specifically that is the cause of your mental anguish ? Would you say it's loneliness, or boredom, or emptiness, or your physical health ? Feel free to share as much as you are comfortable sharing. |
Yes, gotta take it one day at a time... that's absolutely right.
You know, it's really, really difficult to explain... I guess I would say that the cause of my mental anguish is mostly negative self-talk and feeling as if I am worthless and completely incompetent in everything I do. I also get overwhelmed at the smallest task that is even the slightest bit unpleasant (in other words, I have very little motivation to do anything I need to do). I feel as if I am a hamster trapped on a wheel going around and around and never getting anywhere. I hate the way I look, the way I feel physically and emotionally, and I hate the fact that I always have pity parties and feel bad for myself. And I have SO MUCH guilt over my mother's death (she died of lung cancer in 2011), and feel as if I never treated her right and that she never knew I loved her while she was alive. I feel like I made her life miserable and I hate myself for that. My friends think I am trying to "kill myself" subconsciously because of that guilt.... by still smoking and eating whatever and whenever I want, and not exercising hardly at all.
The above are all reasons why I cannot hold down stable employment, which is why I'm on disability.
Sorry, I know you probably didn't want to hear my whole life story........... thanks for listening.